Blame it on the weatherman.

'Simon Says' officially sends its commiserations to all residents of Gloucester and other parts of the U.K. now experiencing flooding. I can reassure all regular readers of this site that I have not succumbed to the torrential monsoons.

Nay, the only thing I succumbed to recently was Mr. K's over-exuberant manhandling of me during a football kickabout. It was the retaliation I feared as I had evaded his violent streak the week before. You must remember viewers that he is the leader of the Bath City firm, or the 'Stripes' as they are called in some quarters. Not a man you want to anger.

In between my hiding in an F.B.I. Protection Scheme I had a rather lengthy and torrid week at a supermarket that I work for whose name I won't mention. On the Friday evening I accompanied Mr. K on one of our infamous trips to Twerton Park to watch the previously mentioned football team in action. Here is a picture of yours truly looking somewhat surly with the pitch behind me:

I think Mr. K must have muttered something derogatory about Arsenal to get such a stern repost.

On Sunday I met my tormentor yet again for a leisurely beverage at our local publican, the Dolphin. I was also served by a rather comely Spanish waitress at a pleasant cafe on Chelsea Road. Despite my qualms at the apparent poor education children must receive on his side of town, I have to congratulate Mr. K on the quality of beauties that seem to effortlessly glide through the streets of 'BA1'. Our time together ended with the notorious GBH that I alluded to at the start of my report. In the words of Bugs Bunny: "That's all folks!"