Tuesday 13 December 2011

I WANNA GO HOME, I WANNA GO HOOOME! THIS TRAIN'S NOT MOVING, I WANNA GO HOME!

TRAIN

FROM: Chippenham
TO: Somewhere a few minutes further down the line from Chippenham station (Bath)

ETD: 23:40 Actual Time of Departure 23:51
ETA: 24:02 Actual Time of Arrival 24:50

After the electronic screen had gradually moved our train's time forward, Vonje and I belatedly boarded the train. Cue the big hint that all was not well. I'll let the driver explain: "Err..we seem to have a problem with the signalling. Apologies for the delay. We should be moving again in 5 minutes or so."

This slight lapse in my perception of time was an omen of things to come. "5" minutes later: "We have a delay. The train will be moving. There will be a delay before Bath though, and we will have to go at half speed." Followed by jeering laughter from our carriage.

The real hi-light came when the train stalled. Vonje suggested that the driver's process of mind was "Oh, that's the wrong way, let's try reverse." The misleadingly advertised short delay just outside Bath was neither short nor just outside Bath.

The speed with which the train eventually accelerated to led to a harsh grinding on the brakes followed by that creaking noise that precedes train crashes in films. Looking at 1 or 2 other passengers I noticed they too were adapting from the frustration of being in a stationary train to total fear at the prospect of a crash.

I'm still slightly disorientated and would not be surprised to learn that while I was on the train everyone else in the world has aged 10 years like in "Flight of the Navigator."

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