Theo Watch 2 (?)

Have to admit that England Under 21s semi-final against Sweden wasn't one I actually watched. I did however catch the hi-lights. Here is 'Simon Says' summary of an extraordinary game in which England blew a big lead and had a man/boy sent off and then achieved a feat never before matched by any England team ever. At any stage in history. (Queue complaints..)

Time line:
01:00 GOOOAAALLL!! England make the perfect start scoring one minute into the game through defender Martin Cranie following a James Milner corner.
23:00 England striker Gabriel Agbonlahor picks up (not literally) a yellow card which rules him out of the final (should England get there).
27:00 GOOOAAALLL!! Yet another James Milner corner. This time turned in by centre back Neduym Onuoha. Who needs strikers when you've got the England back 4!
38:00 GOOOAAALLL!! Not for the first time James Milner swings in a corner. This time the Swedish defence head it clear, only for Walcott to cross it back in onto Lee Cattermole's head which in turn found its way to the back of the net via Swedish defender Mattias Bjarsmyr's leg.
45:00 The first half ends 3-0 and surely England's place in the final is assured.
68:00 goal. Sweden's star striker Marcus Berg connects well with a cross and finds Joe Hart's right hand corner of the net. Surely nothing more than a consolation.
75:00 goal. Ola Toivonen scores straight from a free-kick. Come on lads tighten up the defence.
81:00 goal. Sh*t. Marcus Berg is at it again. This time with a cool lob over Joe Hart from a knock back.
90:00 3-3. How on earth..
E.T. 104:00 RED CARD Manchester United's(at least for now) Frazier Campbell foolishly dives into a tackle in the 'Paul Scholes' fashion and earns himself his second yellow card of the match. England down to 10 men. Oh dear.
120:00 Not too much else happened throughout the rest of extra time apart from the odd scathing look from England players at the bench in the general direction of young Campbell.

And now penalties..for a side managed by Stuart Pearce..

1)



In the age-old fashion of spectacular England penalty misses James Milner's effort perhaps beats them all. Closer to a circling Russian satellite then to the general direction of the goal, 'Psycho's' heart rate must have been rising.

Thank F*** Berg missed. Maybe put off by Joe Hart's curious habit of swearing loudly at penalty takers before their run-up.

1-0 Joe hart scores. Say what? Must have read that wrong. Oh well, all that matters England are 1-0 up.

1-1 Somebody called Elm equalises for Sweden. Whose taking their next one - Oak?

2-1 Cattermole..scores! This lad's quality. He'd probably sodomise his grandmother if 'Psycho' asked him.

2-2 Bjarsmyr makes up for his own goal with an accurate pen past Hart.

3-2 Middlesborough's Adam Johnson scores. Don't think I remember England scoring this many pens before.

3-3 Lustig scores. More importantly the ref loses his patience with Joe Hart's Ben Kingsley impressions and books him. Hart will miss the final if England qualify.

4-3 Walcott. That's the secret recipe to scoring penalties - Arsenal players.

4-4 Bengtsson. And now its sudden death..

5-4 Kieran Gibbs. Pearce has it sussed. Though He might later regret not bringing Jack Wilshere along.

5-4!! Some tit misses! England scrape through a semi they might well have ended up throwing away to face the Hun in the final. Yes its England v Germany again folks.
Come on England!